“Know what you know, know what you don’t know, and know who knows what you don’t know”
It takes a certain type of person with a certain type of quality to take on board constructive feedback and constructivism, no matter how painful the advise may seem. The first time someone told me ‘you’re too sensitive in nature’ I’d look at them as if they were speaking a native language from an undiscovered African Village. Me? Sensitive? If you say so! The thing is when someone makes such a comment about our personality, you can either brush it off in denial or think, do they have a point? Either way when the fifth or tenth person says it then it’s not denial it’s turning into arrogance!
The fact that it’s the end of the year means there is no escaping the Internet as well as print media which is saturated with ideas on how to keep resolutions. Take your pick there are thousands ideas to choose from! The problem here is, no matter how relevant the information is in all these books, blogs and newspapers/magazines, or what psychological academic genius has written the information, it will fast become irrelevant if the main aspect is missing…
Like I’ve said, this post will only really affect you or mean anything to you if you are at a point in your life where you are ready to make specific changes or you have the will power and motivation for the changes. Such things cannot be forced and you will end up sliding back into old ways. I of all people should know as I have a mini library on such things to do make making changes….
I think it’s excellent to say we want to start the new year with new things but seriously it’s simple…if you do things the same way, you will get the same result! This is fine if what you are doing is bringing you a great flow money in the bank, big smiles, a feeling of contentment and great success in the goals you’ve made. If it’s not, then like I said you need to ask if your denial is turning into arrogance.
The reason I can now put my hand up and agree that I’m a self confessed overly sensitive individual is because I had to swallow my pride and do something very significant that is more important than making a resolution list or signing up to the gym or belly dancing classes for the new year! I had to go through a time of introspection. I did this because being that way was affecting my relationships and my ability to take certain things on board because i was to busy getting offended. If you are not, will not or cannot do this? It is actually impossible to get anything tangible achieved. It’s a fact. It’s a process that cannot skipped! If you do this already then you will relate to what I am saying.
If someone makes an observation about you that is plainly factual for the world to see and observe and you don’t even know it yourself, then you need to be doing this. What observations has someone made about you that you think…really? Am I really like that? If you are asking that question, it’s even better than those that will fix you with a death stare because you have ‘touched a nerve’ and they don’t want to accept that what you’re saying is true. People should not know more about you than you! You’d be very pleasantly surprised how differently and less challenging things will seem if you can go through this process of self-reflection.
How can you get an interview for a job if people have informed, explained and advised that you’re too shy in nature. If you deny this and keep going the same way you continue to fail at interviews, your confidence will fail and what is the result? Or is it that you can’t find a decent guy, none of them ever calls you back for something tangible because you always try and be to dominant or come across scorned, your friends tell you and you brush off the comments, yet you are still single. At what point will being single allow you to sit and ask if those closet to you have a point?
If this process is unfamiliar to you, let me explain further. Introspection is not to be taken as self-doubt or insecurity, it’s about making yourself valuable! It’s a desire to assure you have done all you can do to fulfill an obligation that has been placed on you and can affect your success. It’s about ‘the examination of one’s own thoughts, impressions, and feelings over a period of time.’ It means swallowing your pride and taking on board other people’s suggestions and opinions. Even if you can’t admit it to them that they are right don’t do yourself and disservice by totally ignoring what has been said.
Like any other aspect of ourselves that we want to change it’s a challenge so I say don’t make it a big mountain for you to climb. Deal with one thing at a time. If that one aspect takes a few months to think over and change then so bit. It’s not realistic to write a long list of things you don’t like and need to change. Take one thing and consider/implement.
Are you too shy, not confident, always only talk about yourself, Shout at people, drink too much, always talk negative about yourself and situations, too submissive, too generous? The following points have been made as effective suggestions to help you on your self-reflection journey:
Listen to what is being said about your habit
Don’t get caught up in feeling hurt or offended by what has been said
Think of times that show what you are being told is the truth so you know it’s real
Consider why it might be the case you act that way
Think about how it makes you feel when someone has done the same thing to you
Make a conscious note of when and how often you act out this habit
Consider what changing this habit/behavior will mean
Understand that at times this particular behavior is a good thing but you need to balance out how you act it out. (Sometimes you need to raise your voice to be heard, sometimes you will have a hard night out on town drinking, sometimes you will need a minute to just talk about you and get things of your chest. )
Don’t scold yourself for it, you’ve had this habit for a long time and you didn’t even know you were doing it.
Consider a time when you didn’t react in a way that was expected of you, how did it feel?
Give yourself time to go through the change: It won’t happen overnight!
Think how you will respond or do things differently in certain situation.
Are you brave enough to admit the things that you know needs to change but won’t, can’t or don’t listen to reason? We are all guilty of it! I’ve told you mine…tell me yours!
‘You cannot be lonely if you love the person you’re alone with’…Wayne W. Dyer.
Hope this helps and good luck and blessing in your endeavors in 2011!
CREDIT
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