Friday, April 8, 2011

Why Being Friends With An Ex Is A No-No…You’ve Been Warned!

WARNING: This does not apply to exes who have children and share custody. Please look away if you have a child with your ex. But keep reading if you are willing to  agree to the points below and want to share them with your friends..

When relationships don’t go the way it is expected and you decide to go your separate ways, do you still keep in touch and try to be friends or do you become each others worst enemies in the history of mankind?

Some would say being friends with your ex might not be an ideal way of moving on. After all there is a reason why you broke up. On the other hand, why not? Now that would be civilised and a mature thing to do, wouldn’t it. Being the best of friends with someone who already knows you well can be a benefit for you, or would it? Either way, to become friends with your ex is not as straightforward as we might think. Take a good look at why you come to realise this.

Patching up the holes
Ok fair enough. Maybe you did not start on the right foot, maybe you rushed into being in a relationship and you did not take the time to know each other like you were supposed to.  So perhaps being friends with your ex, trying to understand and getting to know each other afresh will not be such a bad idea, as long as your super power abilities that  can predict that giving your relationship a second chance will work this time.

Friends with benefits
Aka”booty call”. Being friends with your ex will definitely result in some interesting affairs. Relationships can be stressful sometimes with too much of expectation from both sides. So why not have have something exciting going on- no string attached. It is so easy with an ex. You’ve ‘been there done that’…Unless you are emotional bankrupt. Go ahead. Have your fun! The only thing to consider is there are certain exes that you will be intimate with that will end in you hoping something will come out of it. Having sex with a man that you have or had feelings for might bring back some feelings that make it harder for you to separate the two things. That is, we are just friends who have sex and nothing else! If you expect that suddenly because you are sleeping together he will start taking you on dates and buying things, you be disappointed. Call it what it is, as I said don’t have any expectations.

The “One”
Ok, so you think your ex is the “one”, and you think being friends with him and spending times together as friends will remind your ex what you guys used to have. In some cases ex couples have ended up together after a break up. So yes it is possible. Once again, if you have super-powers to predict,go ahead and be friends. But if this “freindship” does not end up refreshing your relationship, it will end up with the two of you having loads of sex and your ex will get away with it. I mean why buy milk when you can get the cow for free. You will finally get your heart broken for real.

We used to be friends, ergo lets go back to being friends
“we were friends before we became an item so its ok that we go back to being friends”.
Well hello there, what sort of friendship was that? Was it a hello-bye friends or the “lets hang out” type of friendship. Perhaps you have mutual friends, the possibility is that you will definitely hang out together whether you like it or not. For some people who wants to get back together with an ex, having mutual friends will be of a great advantage. However, if you think hello-bye type of friendship will not make any difference, then you are wrong. It always starts with the little steps of “hello-bye” friendship, before you know it, you are up to something you cant even put a name on it…I smell confusion…

“Oh I dont have anything against my ex. I mean we had our ups and downs.  It did not work so I’m cool with us being ex. Life goes on…and besides we are like good friends now. you see what I mean”?
No dear, I don’t see what you mean. You think you are good friends, then wait till ur ex gets a new partner. Since you are good friends, he or she will probably tell you about it. After all, friends tell each other everything. Ok well not everything, but almost everything. Now this is where your “denial” and “projection” phase starts to get hold of you. You start to resent the ex and maybe the new partner.
But I thought you guys are good friends right?

Being friends with your ex is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Some end up being very close friends, where as others ends up making their lives worst. What if you meet someone you fall in love with and your new flame finds out that you are friends with your ex? This will not be pleasant in most cases. Of course your new partner should trust you, but the question is will you be ok with your partner being friends with the ex? It all depends on every situation, but the consequences are there.
This is what a good friend of mine told me:

‘When it is a break-up, it is a break-up, even though one of you will always have feelings for the other. Love is supposed to be mutual. It is a break-up, meaning a better person is coming your way”
No relationship is a waste of time. Everybody learns something out it. It is up to you to utilise these experiences your own way. It is about breaking an old habit and getting into a new and better one. Accept the break-up, learn from your mistake, remember the experience you have gained from your relationship, make things better for yourself and enjoy your life.

On a serious note, forget about what have been written here. It’s all crap. Follow your instincts. Be friends with your ex if you think you can handle it as long as your ex is a millionaire. That is a keeper (laughs).

Written & Submitted By: Mabel K. Tettey
Mabel is an aspiring writer with a passion for women’s  issues that has inspired her to write about women and our everyday lives. Mabel is currently studying at Roehampton London University and also indulges in her passion for fashion and photography.


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