Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Should Women Propose To Men?

I was at a regular joint couple of days ago...The owner of the joint who happens to be an acquaintance was in a hot debate with two gentlemen and a lady....few meters away from where they were, i could not help but evess-drop on their conversation....quite a topical one though...Should Women Propose to Men?
From all perspective of their conversation, it seemed as though each had a valid point...as usual with every argument, each side wanted desperately to come out victorious hence, each gave points that [depending on what part of the divide you are] could be valid....

Out of the blue, the 'great' debaters decided to throw it at me....Should Women Propose to Men?

I will attempt to answer as matter-of-fact and clearly as possible.

I believe in traditional gender roles, but in this new era, there is room for evolution and flexibility. Women can be providers of the household just like men. Men can stay home and take care of kids. These notions, thought to be crazy generations ago, are widely acceptable and necessary in most cases. While I agree that evolution of these roles are for the greater good, there still should be some roles that stay the same. The role of a man asking for a woman’s hand in marriage is one role that I don’t think should change.

Asking a woman to marry you is one of the penultimate moments in a man’s life. Society, family, and even an inherent instinct tells us that this is a man’s time to take charge, express his feelings for his significant other and declare that this is the moment he wants to make clear that it’s her and him forever. Asking the parent’s for permission, finding the engagement ring (unless you’re against diamonds), and planning the proposal, are nervous and anxious, but fulfilling tasks that men know they will accomplish someday. This whole experience is built for the man to propose to the women, which is why the process loses impact if a woman proposes to a man.
If any women I knew came up to me with a gold wedding band and said “San, I’m going to ask for my boyfriend hand in marriage”, I guarantee that the thoughts in my mind would be one of the following:

“She’s Desperate” – I would wonder why a woman would ever feel compelled to ask a man to marry her. Was she so desperate to have a husband that she couldn’t wait for her boyfriend to do it on his own? I would think that it wasn’t THAT serious to ask a man to marry you, and she must be super clingy or have low self esteem to break that tradition.

“She’s Trying To Force Him Into Marriage” – I would probably think that she wanted to make the ultimate chess move on her boyfriend and propose the ultimate ultimatum: “I’m asking you to marry me, either accept my proposal, or else!”. Now what if he says no or can’t decide? What does the woman do then? It’s a tough position to place yourself., and the woman will end up losing the guy, her pride, and that deposit on that wedding band!!

“She’s Going To Kill His Ego” – The biggest and loudest thought in my mind would be an indictment on her boyfriends’ character. As a man, I would question whether or not dude had a spine or heart. I could never imagine a woman proposing to me, even if I was “the submissive one” in the relationship! That is my right and duty, and no man with any type of ego would allow a woman to propose to him. What’s next, hyphenating his name with her last name? Please…

Women dream of marriage from young ages. I don’t think women ever dream of getting down on one knee and popping the question for a man. I think it taints the overall idea of proposals by having women play the mans role. It’s not a good look for either the man or a woman. Women, let the fellas have this one. You’ll win many battles down the road, this shouldn’t ever be one of them.

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